reverb11

1/2/12 09:24 pm
cat in pocket
This is a little late (2 days), but I wanted to get this done anyway, in a way to force myself to write. I almost told myself that better not to start at all since i'm late anyway, but here I am ;)

I'll be doing something called reverb11, a navel-gazing look back at my year... or it was supposed to be, if done in december, before the end of 2011. i decided to do it in january instead, because i want it to be more of a progressive thing, rather than a nostalgic sort of reflection.

anyway, i still haven't figured out how to do cuts in DW, but anyway it's all text and won't clog up your lists, so:

Read more... )
changmin ⠚ lol
You hold a flicker of something both fragile and hardy inside, a small idea that continues to dream of the impossible. Despite the knowledge that it continues to hold out for something that would never come, it remains alive in a deep, dark, secret part of yourself, hoping.

And screaming, screaming, screaming.


I can't remember if/when I wrote this, it was in my diary, and there's no attribution or anything so I think I wrote it, and I googled it and I think I'm the only one who's written it, but at the same time I can't believe I wrote something like this because it resonates and I love this little poem.

I'm so afraid and insecure about the future. I have all the bravado and the spirit, but I can't take that step forward because I'm afraid, so so so very afraid that I'll fail.
cat in pocket
I stand at a crossroads,
at the corner of apathy and _____.
changmin ⠚ lol
One thing that always gets to me, somehow, is seeing fathers and their kids in a good relationship. I don't know why, but whenever I see a scene like one of the following, my tear ducts suddenly just open.

This morning I walked past a shoe sale, and there was this old man standing awkwardly far from the women's shoes display, and I could see that he was thinking hard about buying (one of the shoes). Clearly it wasn't for him, and the sizes were all kid's sizes, and all I could think of was 'wow', is he buying that for his kid?

And suddenly I just felt like crying. Same thing when I see dads walking hand in hand with their kids, since I live near a school. I don't know the feeling, like it's jealously and sadness and being touched all at the same time.

One of my most vivid memories is waking up from a nightmare, with my dad sitting at my bedside with his hand on my forehead, smoothing my hair back. When I remember this I just always feel like crying.

...Is this a complex I wonder hahaha...

⠚5 truths

10/6/09 02:35 pm
stock ⠚ keep calm and have a cupcake
1. I am a nice person. Not saying that I'm not or I go out of my way to give an opposite impression, but I do care about others, just that I sometimes don't want to bother because I know I'll end up being the one that gets hurt.

2. Related to that, if all else fails, I want to join a Non Profit Organization and help other people. But I want to help my family first and foremost, so I don't know. Haha.

3. Anxiety eats at me in every waking moment. What people say about me, what people think, what's going to happen, what's happened, I'm always worried.

4. As a result I'm afraid of dying young. I wouldn't regret it but I want to live life fully before I die. Length doesn't matter if I did all I wanted in that space of time.

5. I'm such a lazy person. I don't understand it, but I'm really, innately, a very lazy and undisciplined person. I hate this part of me very much.